loveeeeeeee :)

I love my husband. <3

I love my best friendssss. <3

I love my new phone. <3

I love my motivation. <3

I love living drama-free. <3

I love my supportive, awesome family. <3

I love my new clothes. <3

I love my princess (my new Ed Hardy bag.. yay). <3

I love the sun staying out a little longer every night. <3

I love my doggie Bandit. <3

I love my kitty cat Newt. <3

I love my fishies Preston, Steve, and Creamsicle, and my shrimp, Sammy. <3

I love my smile. And my eyes.<3

I love laughing at myself.<3

I love music.<3

Basically...

I love my lifeeeeeeeee. <3

:)

16. Are you effing kidding me?!

Here we go...

WARNING : Pregnancy rant..if you feel like you're gonna get offended.. stop reading now. You've been warned.

16.

Yep. 2009 it was 10.

Mother effing 16 women who are pregnant that I know. I am NOT having a good effing day. AT ALL.

I am over it. I'm so tired of getting shitted on.

"oh don't worry..you'll catch a break"

HELLO!!? ARE YOU ON THE SAME EFFING PLANET AS ME?!

Almost 4 years. Almost 6 without protection. And nothing.

And you wonder why I've been ignoring you for 2 1/2 months?! GET SOME COMMON SENSE AND REALIZE I DON'T WANT TO FREAKING TALK TO YOU! Why? Maybe it's because I had to tell you you were pregnant while I found out my chance was an ABSOLUTE failure.

85% of the women are ones with PCOS. Am I happy? In all honesty.. no I'm not. I'm tired of being happy. I get that you struggled. I GET IT. The fact that it gets so damn OLD constantly seeing women who haven't suffered nearly as long as me getting pregnant after a month of meds.. is what pisses me off. Beyond belief. So I'm sorry if I'm not happy when you announce your pregnancy. Sorry if I'm not congratulating you a million times over. But I'm not hiding it anymore. I'm not happy. At this point..I'd glady go to hell.. and would probably have a better time then dealing with all of this bullshit. I have 45% of my friends' statuses on hide on Facebook because I can't deal with seeing another thing about a damn baby or pregnancy. I don't care how much your baby may weigh. I don't care if you're getting sick. I don't care if you have to wait 3 weeks to see your baby. I DON'T CARE.

Do I sound like a bitch? Absolutely. But guess what? That's right. I DON'T CARE.

I have my good days..sure. I know blah blah.. it'll happen when it's meant to happen. Yeah, eff you. Hold on.. let me be pregnant.. and you're in my EXACT situation (in which NO ONE really knows what that is..because ..SHOCKER.. I don't post it all on here) and I'm CONSTANTLY bitching about my pregnancy or bragging that I get to go out and shop for this that and the other thing... how the hell would you feel? Yeah, that's what I thought.

This is my bad day. I'm allowed to have those after the bullshit I've endured. I realized today that I am a child-less mother. Which I should've realized years ago.

Oh, and I bet if you made it this far, you're thinking that this is just some pity party. Well, screw you. Like I've said plenty of times before.. it's MY blog. If you don't like it..bye bye now. I don't give a shit anymore. I really don't. I don't care what people think. And I'm not about to hide my feelings to make sure I don't offend anyone. To hell with that. I've done it enough. I'm done.

Ugh. I need a drink. A really big one. Hmph.

Snowy days are here again. :)

Ahhh, my blog. I've missed you dearly. I know I said that I would update, but I honestly haven't had the time. HOWEVER... hehe. With all of the pretty white stuff.. (around 2 1/2 feet..and another foot coming to us shortly), I seem to now have all the time in the world lol. So brace yourself, this may be a lengthy entry. I have to update on quite a bit. :)

2010. So far, so freaking good. A lot of things happened in January, and few were life changing. I started Firefighter 1 school. And all I can say is... whew. It's taking alot out of me. And it's definitely taking up alot of my time. Monday nights, Wednesday nights, and every other weekend IF we don't have a makeup weekend on the ones we're supposed to have off. So the downfall to all of this snow.. is that, yes, school is cancelled which is awesome.. for that time being... but you have to eventually make up the hours. And it sucks because the instructor has to plan the makeup days on the weekends we have off. Which means whatever plans I had...get thrown out the window. Because I can't miss weekend classes. Technically, with a Saturday and/or Sunday class..there are two classes each day - AM and PM. And if we're doing a makeup day on a weekend.. thats two classes.. I can't miss more than two. And I need to know what's going on for the test for the next class. So it's a definite catch 22, and one I didn't really sign up for. I was pretty excited to do it when we first started, but now.. I'm losing my momentum. I really have to step it up and at least get a little bit excited over it. That and they constantly stress the need for people to be in shape. Which worries me, because I am not AT ALL. I am working on it, but I know it's going to take longer than when we actually start gearing up and doing physical stuff. Ah well. It's over in May..and I'm hoping to come out of it with a certification in Firefighting. :)

Friends. A lot has changed for me in this department. In January, my ex-best friend Krystal contacted me via MySpace. Now, we were the absolute best of friends, until July of last year. We hit a HUGE bump, had a terrible fight, and ended our friendship overnight. She messaged me and asked how I was doing and such, and honestly, it was really good hearing from her. I have missed her alot. I've been alone since our friendship ended. I had no one to talk to (without hearing about pregnancy or kids..and it gets old when you have neither!) and the people I did have to talk to... constantly turned it around so I had to help them with their problems.. and listen to them bitch and complain about their pregnancies. PS - I no longer talk to those people. Sorry, but I can only take so much of listening to the HELL you have to go through while I sit here childless. kthanks. ANYWHO. So we got to talking more.. and we realized we never lost the closeness. We just had a 6-month blip in our friendship. A lot happened, and we both realized we needed eachother more than anything. Apologies from both sides shot off left and right.. and we've since left everything in the past. But not only did I get my best friend back.. but I got a bonus... my Twizzler.<3 Liz and I didn't like eachother much when we first met because we were both Krystal's best friends. Me, being the best friend longer thought that she was moving onto someone else and Liz was taking her away from me. Liz thought that I was pulling her back and trying to make it so that she wasn't friends with Krystal anymore. All a bunch of drama and crap. Well.. we have also moved on and we're so close, it's ridiculous! But I absolutely LOVE IT. I'm so happy to have Krystal back.. and even more to have Liz! They're both amazing, and I'm blessed beyond belief to have such awesome girlies back in my life. <33

TTC front : Nothing much going on there. I've taken myself off the BCPs early, because for the last half of January (thats right, 2 WEEKS), I was constantly spotting. It really annoyed me and I stopped them after I had my period. Well, stopping them wasn't the best idea. I brought on ANOTHER period within a week of stopping my first one. COMPLETELY SUCKED. Why? Because we were in the Poconos this weekend, and I had my period. I was not happy. I was in Shoprite on Friday (because I'm stupid and didn't realize everyone and their mother was out for the storm.. completely forgot) shopping for stuff for the Poconos.. and there I was.. in the middle of the pasta aisle.. on the phone with my dr explaining how I stopped my BCPs and I had my period again and I didn't want it. Did I get weird looks? Yes. But at this point.. after 3 1/2 years of crap... 17+ doctors (not including nurses) looking at my openly exposed cooter.. also while having AF.. you kinda just become immune to getting embarassed by it. Those people were lucky I didn't say any of that LOL but moving on. So she called in Provera at the pharmacy there..and I've been popping pills since Friday (x2). It let up..and when I thought I was in the clear, came back with a vengance. Yes.. AF was totally being a bitch. So as of right now.. I'm STILL wearing a diaper (gotta make some fun out of it since I've been wearing them since the freaking middle of January with the exception of maybe what...2 days) for precautionary measures. I can still see it when I go to the bathroom, but it is in fact disappearing. Jeff knows that I took myself off of the bcps, as well as knowing what happened with my period. I don't think it phases him anymore either since it's sat in the U/S room plenty of times with me lol. And we've decided.. when it happens, it happens. I'm not trying. We're not preventing. We just need a much needed break from the stress. I mean I still go crazy over the little baby stuff, and I still say I want a baby..but we both know.. in time. Though now.. not only my mother, but his mother jumped on board with saying we need to have a baby because she went shopping and couldn't believe all of the cute stuff! LOL.

Alrighty...this is pretty lengthy. I gotta get going anyways. My babes is out there working his little tush off to get the snow cleared away before we get another foot, so I'm going to see what I can make him for lunch.

Til next time, kiddies! <3

New layout for Valentine's Day...thanks to April Showers :)

It's so cute!!

I know I have to update, but I'll be back later!