Could this be it??

I hope so. Good news all around lately, and I'm happy as could be. My SC girls are doing great, and pumpin out those BFPs like nobody's business. AF is being the biggest bitch in the world to me, but I welcome her with open arms. Cramps are killer, back pain isn't so friendly either, and my best friend is the bathroom at this point lmao.

I had my appointment this morning. EARLY AS HELL...especially on a Saturday morning. Wtf. But that's how it goes, and that's fine! And Jeff was such a sweetheart to get up and go with me. I love you, babes. :)

So we get there..they take blood..the usual. I go back for the u/s, and the RE comes in. He says that I'm responding very well to the Tamoxifen, which I knew, and we are both happy about. My periods are becoming more regular with that and the Met and all. So we get the u/s started, and I have 12-13 small follies in my right ovary, 8-9 in my left...all measuring about 5mm, approximately. First part of good news... NO CYSTS! Woohooo! I'm so happy about that! Number two.. I have that many follicles already, with it being only CD3.. so woohoo x2. We get finished, and he tells me he wants me on the Tamoxifen starting CD5, which is Monday, instead of today.. and that I will be taking my injections starting next Saturday.. 100ius a night. He asked me what happens when I run out of the medicine, and there is a possibility that I might need more.. and I say, I guess hope for the best. Really, after my meds are gone, that's it. So this very well could be the last cycle we'll be doing with the dr's help and meds and all. So he says bye, and the nurse in the room said she would be right back..that she needed to check something. So I get changed, and I'm talking to DH, and the nurse comes back in.. with an extra 450ius of meds! She was like ..here.. this should help you get a little further along. So they donated even more to me, and I'm ecstatic! I thanked her like a million times over and told her how awesome she was. I'm so excited. I now have a total of 10 days.. probably more, but we're estimating it at that. And it's better than 5 days, so that's great! I'm hoping this is it, and I'll finally be told we can do the IUI and to trigger.

We haven't gotten past the u/s to measure the follicles yet, without it being a bust.. so I'm crossing fingers that this is our month. Of course, I'm hoping that some of the baby psychics are right... since a few of them predicted around June. So we'll see! I'm not going to live off of their predictions, but it's fun to see if they might be right. So fingers crossed and wishes going out for a successful cycle. We'll see. :)

oxoxo.

Congratulations to my girls!

I'm officially surrounded by baby mamas once again. And I couldn't be happier.

Okay, I lied. I'll be happier when I join you girlies! Congrats.. I'm so excited for you!!

And I am on CD2 already! Wooohoooo! Picked up my baby drugs.. and I have an appointment tomorrow morning.

I'm all smiles..and I'm loving it!

Hurting a little...damn cramps.. but that's alright..nothing is breakin this girl's stride! :)

oxoxoxoxo.

Have a happy period.

Boy oh boy. I will. Right on schedule, so it seems. AF is officially here, though her official "Flo" day will be tomorrow when it counts for CD1. Thank goodness FF was practically right on target. Cramps : check. Chocolate/Salt cravings : check. Back pain!? : oooh. check. Boo on that happening already. But they say the more "pain" you're in..the better the period.. so bring it on, bitches. I've been waiting 38 days for you to finally pay a visit to me. A girl who is actually anxious and happy to see your evil ass. So AF commences, I smile, and all is well with the world.

Thank god PMS is over and I can finally feel happy again.

Fingers crossed, of course. For yet another exciting round of the injections game.

Only this time, we're kickin it up a notch. Gonal-F; how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. But only if you work!! We shall see.

And I saved myself the poking and prodding of an unnecessary pregnancy test via bloodwork. I know it would be negative, and it looks like I saved myself the $5 copay. Only to spend it whenever I have to go in for my next appointment.

My girls are spittin out the BFPs. So I ask you baby lady.. please bless me with one soon.. in hopes that this cycle works. :)

Bring. It. On.

ugh.



yep. that about sums it up.

How do you deal with a bleh attitude?

I don't know what it is.. but I'm back to feeling like crap. Not like sick, but just sick of it all.

But there's not like I have anyone to turn to.

Everyone's more wrapped up in themselves. And that's fine. But aren't friends supposed to be there for eachother? No, how about you just talk to me when it's convenient for you like I don't have an effing problem with it. I don't care about what you're doing tomorrow... who you're doing it with ...and where you're doing it. You want to know why? Because you obviously don't give a crap enough about the "friendship" we have to care about me. I hate that. Really. I talk to this person.. like maybe twice an effing week. We were close as hell. But now it's down to nothing, and when we talk.. it's 85% about her problems.. ALL THE TIME. And I don't mind it.. I'm here to listen.. that's me. But damnit..if you don't want my help, don't bitch to me. I don't want to hear it. I'm tired of putting (or attempting to) my advice in and getting shot down. Then WTF do you want from me? I listen, and if I don't say anything, it's like..OMG why aren't you saying anything. Then if I do, it's like ..well yeah, but I'll think of something else. Dude, I'm over it. I understand you got your friends and your new friends, but when I have a problem, I sort of expect my friends to be there. Nope. It's like I've fallen off the face of the effing earth. And sadly enough, I'm starting to be really okay with that.

Of course, most of my shit is about PCOS..and trying to get pregnant. I know it gets old to hear, but put yourself in my shoes. Seriously. If you were me right now, you'd be doing the same thing. That's all I can think about. Dr's appointments, and ultrasounds, and medicine. When to do this and what I can and cannot do. But when I get bummed, the only person I can turn to.. is me.

Guess I realized that you really should never lean on someone fully.. because once you get used to it... it gets ripped out from under you in a matter of seconds.

But that's okay. I'll do me. I'll be my own support (with assistance of my immediate family of course..) and my friends... well they can stay as far away as they are now. I'm tired of letting people in closer just to get bummed the hell out with the results. I've lost too many friends that way. So whatever.

Anyway, today is CD31. No AF, not that I expected it. FF is predicting the 28th, which I think is CD37 or 38. I'm not sure. But I'll be expecting it next week, though I have to call the RE's office and let them know I didn't get anything. Blah blah blah. Onto the next cycle... with results.. who knows.

I apologize (a little bit..after all, it is my blog) for the little rant. I'm just in one of those moods.

Hello hello! I'm back from vacation!! :)

Warning : This is going to be a long one!!

So we left Friday afternoon. A little later than expected, but the Kota (my husband's other half... his truck lol) had to be finished. So we finally got on the road about 1pm.. which was fine, because at that point, I didn't care.. I just wanted to cruise down there. On our way, we got caught in terrential (sp) downpours....I mean, ridiculous. I couldn't see, so of course, I was nervous as hell, but I trust Jeff..so I guess I was okay. We stopped at Sonic (for the first time ever. Yumm) and grab something to eat before hitting the road again. Finally get down to Wildwood.. get checked in..we're good to go. Got pretty much everything unpacked, hit up Superfresh for a few things needed for the weekend, came back.. ate some awesome pizza that I swear by when I go down there...and hit the boards. Thankfully the rain held off.

But let me mention why I was in a carefree mood to begin with.... Nancy, the lady I have been dealing with at Fertility Lifelines called me and left me a voicemail telling me that I was APPROVED after all for the donated Gonal-F. So woooooohooooo! on that. I was so excited.. thank goodness my weekend got off to a good start.

But anyways..back to Wildwood... we had a FABULOUS time. The weather held out nicely so Friday night and Saturday were awesome. My mom brought my brother, my sister, and my sister's boyfriend down to hit the piers for the day and I got some sunburn, but I didn't care. I was having fun, man lol. My mommy won me a pig.. so cute! Haha, so I won her a monkey that she wanted. We had a lot of fun (pictures will be posted). Saturday night, Jeff and I stayed on the boards...rode the coasters a few times.. then hit the infamous Gateway 26. We ended up winning (via coupons lol) a food processor, a toaster oven, and the Gizmo dressing mixer. LOL. Oh, and a Phillies World Series Plaque with player's trader cards. Like I said, I'll have pictures.

So Sunday... boo. We stayed in bed until like 1pm. It was rainy and crappy..basically a complete washout. But it was our anniversary (Happy 3 years, baby!) too. So we just snuggled in bed and watched a Poker tournament.. then later on we went to the Lobster House... YUM-O! First time ever being there (though I used to live near there for 18 years of my life..wtf is up with that lol) It was so good, but of course..the brownie sundae dessert was the BEST ending everrrr. :) I had a great time..and a great anniversary... oh! And you'll see the amazing gift Jeff got me.. made my gift I got him look completely cheesy lol. But it's absolutely gorgeous!

So Monday was better...weather wise.. we hit the boards once again, but first had a mini picnic on the beach... then walked and collected seashells to put in the aquarium and just relaxed. It was a comfy nice day... and Jeff decided that we were going to stay another night..so we did.. and now we're home. But not before Jeff decides to spoil me because number one.. Sunday.. before we went to dinner, we did hit the boards for a little bit.. and he won me a Coach wristlet (so I would have something to carry my stuff in for dinner). And today.. he won me a $180 iPod Nano.. on the 4th try...about $10 in... he put $5 in for 3 tries..didn't get it.. pretty close though. He put another $5 in and boom...got it on the first shot. He sooo spoils me.. I told him he had a problem! Hahahaah..but I wasn't going to complain.

But yeah, that was my trip.. he's still on vacation until the end of the week, thank goodness. So we'll see what each day brings..because at this point, there's no planning.. it's just spur of the moment stuff... oh..and I hope you enjoy the pictures! :)

Jeff and I on the beach. =)

Post-Sunset.. Loved the colors of the sky..so I took a picture!

Nor'Easter at night.. my favorite roller coaster on the boards!


Wildwoods sign.

The Coach wristlet and iPod Nano Jeff won for me.=)

My anniversary gift from Jeff. <3

OOOOOO boy.

Yep.. I think I O'd yesterday morning. I woke up with about 45 seconds of just a hard cramp in the middle...enough to make me lay on my side and curl up. Then that was it. So I'm guessing that was it. It was suggested that we BD last night.. yeah, it never happened. Jeff seemed too exhausted, and I honestly wasn't in the mood (surprisingly there..since I'm ALWAYS in the mood lol). Besides, he's working a double today...and he had to go in at 6am so I wasn't going to rob him of sleep. So I'm officially calling this cycle a bust. And I'm not worried at all. Just need to wait for my period to get here to start things over again. I can't believe that I'm being so nonchalant with this. I really didn't care if we BD'd or not last night..I even told Jeff that. I told him that if we did, I'm not worrying about catching the egg. It's either it does, or it doesn't, and either way..it's all good. It would've been cool if we actually did BD and it caught and after all we've been through, we got preggers on our own, but again.. I don't care. It'll happen for me. In time.

I called Fertility Lifelines yesterday. Thankfully, they called me back and they received my application..and are reviewing it. I should be hearing back from them in a few days. I really hope that I'm approved and I can get the Gonal F pens with no problem. Fingers crossed for that. If I get those pens, I'll be set for next cycle, which relaxes me a little. I don't want to have to stress on spending $400 for medicine right now.

Alrighty, ladies... well I'm off to finish the morning ritual. And I got called into work early today, so I gotta pick up some lunch for me and the boss lady and work until 8. Thankfully... only 3 more days until vacation! And Jeff is working a double tonight so he doesn't have to go in tomorrow.. and we're going shopping! Hahaha.. I was window shopping online at Old Navy to see what I'm going to get. I'm pretty excited. :) Have a good day, everyone... Happy Tuesday. :)

And only 5 more days until our anniversary! <3 :)

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies, Mommies-to-Be, and future Mommies-to-Be. Hope you all enjoy your day..regardless of what stage of Mommy-ness you're in. :)

I joined FitCysters today.. with the help of Kat, of course. We are still going to be TTC, but I need to lose weight. I want to feel healthy again... I want to feel like me again. DH doesn't know I'm doing this just yet, and that's okay. 60 minutes a day ...300 minutes a week. I got this. The exercise part is simple.. I can get a good workout if I try hard enough. As for the diet part, I agree with Kat.. it'll come to me. I'm not to worried. I just need to get used to working out again. This will happen. I have 100+lbs to lose ... and with everything in me, it'll get done. If I get pregnant in the process, awesome. I'll still work out...just not as intense. :)

So here we go... again... good ol' diet and exercise. But this time, thank goodness, I got girls to back me up.

Have a good day ladies!! :)

Random ish.. ready? Go.

Happy Hump Day.

OMG- I see sun.. wowies.. it's been too long. It's a nice change. :)

4 months (to the day!) until my birthday! Woo.

So I filled out the application.. and Jeff put it in the mailbox, so now we wait. I'm hoping to be eligible so they can give me my drugs. Hah. I'm actually excited to be getting poked again with needles. Oh what joy. And Jeff seems to enjoy it too. LOL. I swear, I wish I had my camera nearby when he was about to give me the shots.. he always had this smirky happy look on his face.. like he enjoyed poking me lol. And not getting in trouble for it. Hahaha.. I love you, honey.

9 days, and counting.. until we go on vacationnnn! Wooohooo! I cannot wait. Just to be able to cruise down there and get away from everything... even TTC. Yep. I'm not worrying anymore. Well, at least not for this cycle. It was cancelled, so what's the point? Some of my SC girls said I should get OPKs, but you know what? I'm not going go. I'll watch my CM and get ready for cramps, but that's it. I'm not dealing with the baby drama. Jeff asked me if I was sure, since we would be on the boardwalk, and I'll be seeing all these strollers and whatnot. But I'm really sure. I understand I'll get my time soon enough. I'm not going to bum myself out over it. Besides, if you're rockin a stroller..you ain't rockin the coasters. And that's EXACTLY what I plan on doing! Give me a good drink...and some time on those kick ass coasters.. and I'm a happy girl. I just want it to be time between Jeff and I. And we'll be down there for our anniversary...so I don't want to stress about baby making.. not now. When I get my period.. and the next cycle starts, I'll be back to the good ol' TTC, stressing out, pill poppin girl I am. But for now.. I'm going to finally have time to myself. To be myself again. To have fun and not worry. I miss that girl. It's been a while. I'm not taking a full on break... just for now. They are waiting to see if I get my period on my own, and it's going to be a while.. so why not enjoy not having to worry about for now?? I can't wait.. I'm so excited. :)

I have to get the house clean first, though. I hate cleaning lol. But it needs to be done, because there's nothing that annoys me more than coming home to a messy house. UGH! I want to come home sort of relaxed, and that doesn't help. So I gotta get back to cleaning. Yay.

And I wanted to say thanks to my husband.. if it wasn't for him, who knows where I would be right now. I love you, honey. Thanks for sticking by me and for still loving me. <3

oxoxoxo.

Story of my life = Cancelled cycle.

Do I care? At this point, no. Sooo immune to this crap anymore.

Hello, PCOS. You can go and kiss my fat ass.. yeah, you know.. the ass you made fat. I used to be a size 10. Now I'm a size 20. So thanksss. Hah.

But anywhoos.. I'll have a kick ass time next weekend... you watch. So thanks to you, I'm drinkin it down.. and having a good effing time. Oh, and don't forget the roller coasters.

You've won this battle..but bitch, I'll win the war. :)

9mm. That's it.

But.. it's only CD11.

Last cycle, that 9mm was on CD15.. and we gave up. And I ovulated..late.

So I have to go back Monday morning.. I swear I should just pull up a cot and live there until this is all over with. We'll see where I am from there. He's upping my Follistim to 100ius, which means tonight is it. It's the last time I'll be taking that medicine... so I'm praying hard that it holds out for the weekend and kicks those follies into gear..

He told me not to get discouraged. It's sort of easier said than done, but I appreciate his optimism. But that means that he shouldn't give up either. So we'll see. I just hope we're getting closer to the finish line, because it seems to be pulling further and further away.

My only dream... is to be a Mommy.
To make him a Daddy.
And to finally be blessed with my little miracle.
Fingers are crossed..and I'm on my knees...
Please let this work...help me finally get my baby.
<3

oxoxo.