Maybe??

I hope so.

I'm exhausted. My boobs hurt. I'm peeing more than usual. And right now, after eating dinner.. I have that full-nauseated feeling. Just like I got last night..and the night before. Oh, and I'm cramping here and there. But haven't today.

I hope I get that positive sign. But I was told that I shouldn't do an HPT per my RE. He suggested I don't so I don't get my hopes up and if it's a negative, be bummed out. But who knows. I don't think I'll test. But I'm not sure yet.

4th of July is this weekend. I want to be able to tell my husband that he's going to be a daddy. But then again, I want to enjoy my weekend with him without being completely upset.

The RE is making me wait until the 6th.. next Monday... to come in for a pregnancy test. So my 2ww was extended just a bit.. since they are closed Friday for the holiday. AF is evidently due on Friday, so if I don't see her at all (and I'm hoping I don't!!!) by Monday, I have to call the dr's office Monday morning immediately and go in for a pregnancy test. They do in-house testing so I need to be there early. So my only solution to that little situation is to call them on my way there. So we'll see about that.

I'm nervous. And I'm questioning everything, though I shouldn't be. All my 'symptoms' are both pre-pregnancy and pre-AF symptoms so it's really up in the air for me.

I guess we'll find out soon enough. I'm now 9dpiui. So we'll see.

And guess what...my bed is calling me again. It has seriously become my very best friend.=)

Nights, blogging world. Until next time.

oxoxo.

Gone for the weekend!

Just wanted to say bye! In hopes that I make 2-3 days of this 2ww hell go by quick!

Going camping with the family..and it's Jeff's first time..so we'll see!!

Had a RE appt this morning for a p4 test..and an u/s...they checked my ovaries.. and the RE said they looked really good..and he's loving that my lining is soooo good! I was like yay on that!

He also suggested I don't test with a HPT... he said he'd rather me come in for the beta. Guess it saves me a little bit of a headgame if it's negative..because it really might not be. Who knows.

But ...see you all later! Have a good weekend!!! <3

oxoxoxo.

This 2ww needs to be over. Like, now.

My boobs are still sore and it's ridiculous. Why, may you ask? Because I know it's from the combination of my progesterone and the trigger shot. So it's like..UGH.

I'm crampy like hell... not like hurting..but it's there..and it's not going away. It's so dull and weird...feels like pulling or whatever.

Oh..and could I be anymore tired?? Seriously. I feel like I can sleep the next 8..err.. 9 days away with no problems. It's horrible.

In the beginning, I was fine. Now I see why girls go NUTS during the 2ww! I'm going crazy over here. Not that I want to test... just to know what the hell is going on with my body!!!

I'm still up in the air about testing at 14dpiui. I don't know. People are now asking me if I'm going to test 10dpt. So I don't know.

UGH. 4th of July...you need to get here..NOW!!

Hello.=)

So we did the IUI yesterday morning with 22million sperm. At least that's what I think the number was..I forget. But we had 91% motility, which I won't forget lol.

Didn't feel it..and it took longer for me to sign the consent forms. So we're now one day into the 2ww. My E2 on Friday was 726, so we're thinking I had more than 3 follicles, which is fine by me! LOL. I'm cramping now, and have been since about an hour after the IUI. But my girlfriend said it was completely normal. So just waiting it out and seeing what happens. They want me back in on Friday for a p4 test. So I guess we'll see what happens from there. On the 4th of July, I'll be 14dpiui, so I can test....but I'm still up in the air about it. It would ruin my weekend if I saw a negative, but then again..it would be a great time to tell Jeff!

And it's so weird. I still can't picture myself seeing the + sign on the HPT, but I can totally see myself telling Jeff or my mom. So we'll see. I'm taking it easy for the most part..not lifting heavy stuff.. moving slower than usual. Besides, getting up too fast kinda makes the cramps hurt a little more. But we'll see.

Fingers crossed. =)

oxoxo.

IUI tomorrow at 10:30am. :)

I have 2-3 good follies. And the RE, along with me.. is very excited!

Thank goodness I have this blog to keep record of everything.

My fingers are crossed once again.. and waiting, again, for tomorrow.=)

Tomorrow..tomorrow... I love ya, tomorrow. <33

Well.... I'm practically in tears. And I can't help it. I went to the RE's today.. got my bloodwork, of course. Went in for the u/s.... and she says... 14... 13... 16.. 12.. 13. I was like..what?! She was like you're looking good! You have good ones and we're getting there. I almost cried there. She was like... come back Saturday and we'll do another u/s.. stay on your meds.. if I call you this afternoon, that means we want to see you tomorrow instead. So they gave me more meds.. Bravelle (never heard of it but the nurse explained it to me so we're all good there) since I only have enough Gonal F for basically tonight. So we could be doing the IUI Saturday or Monday. I can't stop tearing up. I never ever thought I would get to this point after all those cycles being cancelled. But we're getting there. My lining is still about 13-14mm. So that's great. I called Jeff up as soon as I got home to let him be the first to know. Since our phones are turned off for a bit (late on one payment..geez lol) and he's excited. I can't believe it. I'm so ready to trigger. So we'll see. The RE said we have to BD tonight so DH can have good soldiers come in for the IUI since it's been a little over a week since we've BD'd. So I'm still sticking positive. And I have a smile on my face I can't get rid of. Now ..it's just to get through tonight and possibly tomorrow. I'll know after 2:30 what's going on. I'm going to call them around 3pm to get my E2. But we'll see! =)

UPDATE : My E2 is at 500! I can't believe it shot up that high. The RE herself called me and said she wants to see me in tomorrow morning instead of Saturday, since I'm so close. So we might just be doing the IUI Saturday! I can't believe I got this far. I'm in tears like ridiculous right now. We'll see! Fingers crossed!!!

Follies are over 10mm! Woohoo..

And there looks to be a job in the near future.

Seems like everything is finally starting to fall into place... we'll see.

Fingers crossed.=)

Here's my update on my oh-so-lovely EMOTIONAL trip to the RE's.

I get there..bloodwork done.. wait another HOUR ..ughh.. go back for the u/s. I have one follicle on the left at 9mm. What happened to the one on the right that was 9 1/2mm???? No one knows. The RE says..we're upping your dose again.. start taking 262.5ius tonight.. I'll see you back on Tuesday. We leave... DH opens the car door for me and kisses me.. he already knows I'm upset. So now we're getting breakfast at the diner, because after sitting for 2 hours in the dr's office, I'm starving. So I asked DH how he felt about adoption, because at this point..I've lost all hope of this cycle and that may our last resort. He admits to me that he doesn't know where he stands at all with that..it's understandable. I fight back tears because everyone knows I try my best not to cry in public..not a good look for a girl. So we leave there, hit Home Depot for a few things.. I'm in the middle of messaging Lina on FB about all of this.. and I'm walking around... INSIDE with my glasses on because I'm tearing up ridiculous. My nose is running and I'm trying to keep my cool. So we're headed home, and my phone rings. It's the RE's office.. they tell me that the RE wants me to stay with 225ius ...not to up my dosage. I ask my E2 level... 180!! It jumped so high! My p4 was 1.9 so I haven't ovulated yet, and he told the RN to tell me to be patient and relax..and to have faith. So I went from being completely bummed out, thinking I'll never be a mommy to my own kids.. and boom- I go back Tuesday and I'm keeping my dosage the same. I'm telling you ...this is NOT fun lol. I dont know if I want to cry from being bummed to happy, or just cry because I'm happy that it might work out after all... But I have to thank Lina ...from the bottom of my heart.. thank you so much for dealing with me through all of that this morning. You are a godsend. All of my girls are! I love you!! So...here we go again! :)

Oh..and my lining...13mm. Ready for implant...lets get this party started. Ooooh praying and fingers crossed for those words this week... "You can trigger!" hahaha. <3

oxoxoxoxo.

10mm lining. 9 1/2mm follicle on my right side.

And the RE was smiling ear to ear when she said she was optimistic about this cycle.

I'm happy it wasn't cancelled. Even happier that she has faith in this cycle, as do I. I go back Saturday afternoon to the Marlton office to get another u/s. That's going to be the hard part... trying to get up so early on Saturday morning! LOL.

My E2 on Monday was 76. So we're hoping it goes up today. I should know this afternoon what that number is.

Now to go breathe a little...and be thankful that this might actually work!

I can't believe I'm so nervous.

This is the type of nervous I should be feeling to hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time.

Instead, I'm waiting to see if it'll even happen to me. I hate the fact that this might be our last shot. I hate that I don't know what's wrong with me.. or that I can't tell if my follicles are growing. I get tings and a little bit of cramping, and it worries me. But I've never made it past 9mm. I've never heard ..okay Trigger whenever.. we're ready to do the IUI.

How come those words are so hard to come by..yet, so freaking precious to me?

I'm trying to stay calm, and stay positive. I'm trying not to stress out. I'm just so nervous. Tomorrow needs to get here. Like now. =\

Gotta love injections.

And the fact that I moved on up to 187.5. I've never been more nervous for an u/s than I am now because this cycle is really our last shot. If it doesn't work, it's us going back to trying naturally..and that might not work out too well with a male factor. And I have no clue if his numbers have gotten better or not.

I'm trying not to stress... I know my girls would be on my ass if they found out I was. It's just easier said than done. Right now, I'm worried about my sunburn going away. Had a great time with the kiddies though. My brother LOVED it.. and I was happy to know Jeff and I gave them a good weekend. And thanks to my sister's boyfriend for aquiring a glass from Red Robin lmao. Hahaha...good times! I'll definitely have to plan another weekend like that, minus the horrible aftermath of bad sunburn. Yikes. And what really pisses me off...it'll just peel and go away. UGH. Won't even tan.. because I'm in a ghetto freaky sun-ville. And not at the beach like I used to be lol. Oh well. It seems to be getting a little better..but the itchy stage hit me like a ton of bricks earlier today... and sent me into a psycho rage with tears... flipping out and hysterically crying that it wasn't fair. But I knew deep down I was pissed at myself for letting it get that bad. It'll get better..in time... I hope.

So fingers crossed for Thursday..ugh... anxiety sucks.

Have a good one, kiddies.

Good news : Today is my last day of Tamoxifen. Tomorrow I start the injections. I'm picking the kids up in a few hours. And all is well with the world in that aspect.

Bad news : I'm pretty sure I lost my best friend. What needed to be said finally came out, and I didn't hold back. So thank you to the 19 year old bitch who started it all. I appreciate it. I hope you enjoy yourself.

Onto better things...
thank god for my girls.<3